Right Now

First Thought....

I couldn't tell you what I was doing a year ago. Except that I was a bus driver and I was looking forward to 2005 since my book was finally coming out.

But right now I know that I didn't want it to go the way it did. I care a lot about Mark. He's a nice guy, but for some reason...we can't find that mesh, that ground where we can be...well, the way I think we should be.

I saw him for the first time in a few years on Friday night...was that Friday night? We were supposed to go out, but my brilliant family decides they want to spend time when it convenient for them so we had I had to, unwillingly cancel my date with him. I still saw him though...It was nice to see him...

I've known him for 5 years and I wonder a lot if he is the one...and if he is, why hasn't anything happened? Why haven't I given him the privy to walk around with my virginity in his back pocket? Why don't I fully trust him? Is it because he doesn't communicate enough for me? Is it because secretly we may be too much a like? What is it?

I have a sense that he wants to open up to me...but he can't. He's holding something back. Maybe that's it, I expect people to be open and honest with me, the way that I am with them. Time will tell.

***Break***

I'm so focused on 2006 right now. I am on this book, plans to take my career further and put a gash in the market. I'm prepping myself right now, these hoes can't tell me shit about my work. I know I put out a good project last year despite minor errors. I know that I can and need to maximize my potential as a writer and an entertainer and 2006 is the year to expand my horizons...and really give them, but more so myself something to talk about.

Confirmations...

I won't fret.
I'm unbreakable.
I'm not made of glass.

There will be times to test, try and deter me.
But I am strong.
I rise I like the sun,
I glow like the moon. I can't be stopped.