Understanding...

I guess there is really never a moment or a time where you will fully understand your life for what it is. Well maybe when you get ready to die, but you won't be able to articulate that to anyone.

My life has been really interesting. I guess the first 24 years of my life have been traumatic enough to make me wanna do drugs, although I've never entertained the idea, try to kill myself, which I've been unsuccessful at twice, or try to find some other outlet to deal with my problems...which I've done, successfully.

I guess I've finally made up my mind to take responsibility to stop letting bullshit bother me. I think we, all as humans like to entertain the ideas that we don't let things bother us and we are invincible if not immune to heartache, pain, tragedy, etc. We can't get around it, but what we can do is limit our intake and decide what is important and what is healthy to our mental stability.

I'd be the first to tell you, I'd be the first admit, that FAMILY (fancy word for people) is your basis, blueprint, instruction manual on how to socialize. If your manual is all fucked up (dysfunctional) then your social interaction with others will be affected. This has been my problem for years, not anymore.

I've learned to deal with these folks from a distance. I understand that if someone has never been happy, they don't know what happy is, or how to even be happy. Then the nerve of them to bring kids into the cycle...as I try to stay focused, I am inclined to tell you about reuniting with my cousin that I haven't seen in a few years.

I feel bad for him, because in his early 20's his entire family (girlfriend and two children) were murdered by our cousin. Needless to say there was division in our family. It has been 10 years since the tragedy struck and we are just now mending...well a little. I'm looking forward to attempt to start a healthy relationship with him...

I'm saying all this to say, whatever you go through you do have the power to change it and choose to live a positive life and make the best out of any situation. It starts with Identifying the problem, realizing that is a problem, conquering the problem and quenching the problem.
My problem: Being raised in a damaging, emotionally unstable family.
Realization: It's unhealthy for me to act the way they do. I don't have to be like them...it's okay.
Conquering: Accepting the fact that it's okay for me to be different from them
Quenching: Dealing with my family from a distance, while still loving them and being an individual in the pursuit of my own happiness.